Tami Taylor Is Always Right
by ICanStopAnytime
Summary: Just ask her husband. This FNL fanfic explores what might have happened between Season 1 and 2.
1. Chapter 1

**[December]**

"TMU, huh?" Eric's father asked. "That's a somewhat decent team. And quarterback coach is one of the better paid assistant coaching positions."

This was as close to praise as his father ever got. Eric hadn't told him TMU was looking at him for the QB coaching position until he already had the contract in his hand. He'd long ago learned only to share his successes with his father.

"Yep," Eric said. He was talking on his cell phone as he cleaned out his desk at Dillon High. He'd had to break his contract early, since it was for the academic year, and they wanted him at TMU starting January 1st.

"Tell me again why Tami isn't just moving to Austin with you?"

"I told you. She loves her job here. She loves these kids."

"Are you having problems in your marriage, son? Is this some kind of trial separation?"

"No! We're fine!"

"You damn well better not have cheated on her."

Eric slammed a drawer shut. "I didn't cheat on her! Christ, Dad! There's nothing wrong. We just have different career directions right now."

"First of all, son, don't use the Lord's name in vain. Second of all, you said she's pregnant! How can you even think of living over three hundred miles away from your pregnant wife? And Julie needs you too. A teenage girl _needs_ her father."

Eric leaned back in the chair and put an arm behind his head. "Look, I offered to stay in Dillon and keep coaching the Panthers. Tami said no. She insisted on this. Not me. Her."

"And she's not looking for space to get over something you did?"

"No."

"Son, that doesn't make any sense at all."

It didn't make any sense to Eric either, but damn if he was going to agree with his father. "Well, she's not going to bend on this."

"Who's wearing the pants in that family?"

Eric clenched his teeth together. He should just hang up. You couldn't slam a cell phone down, though. There was no satisfaction in it. "It's not 1950 anymore, Dad, like when you and Mom got married."

"We got married in the 1960s, son, at the start of the sexual revolution. And I still managed not only to wear the pants, but to keep them on."

"I didn't cheat on her."

"I believe you, because you'd probably be missing an appendage if you had. But this plan of Tami's doesn't make sense, son. You have to know it's bad for your marriage. A man should not be working a job over three hundred miles from his wife when she's having his baby."

Eric's father hadn't left the AFL until after Eric's little sister was born. There had been a lot of travel involved in playing professional football. "Yeah? Where were you when Mom was pregnant with _me_?"

"Not where I should have been."

Eric bit his bottom lip. He didn't have a come back to that. "I have to go." When he clicked off the cell phone, Eric sat and stared at the words above the door frame: "Clear eyes, full hearts." He took a deep breath. "Can't lose," he muttered to himself.

That night, as Tami came out of the master bathroom dressed in a robe, her hair still damp from the shower, he offered to stay in Dillon again.

"You've already broken your contract, sugar," Tami said. "You've already signed the new one. We have a strong marriage. We can do this."

"I don't know if _I_ can, Tami."

She untied her robe and let it fall to the ground. He couldn't tell she was pregnant, though he imagined her breasts were slightly fuller.

"Do you like what you see?" she asked.

Of course he did. "Tami –"

"- Come to bed." She turned down the sheets. "Make love to me."

His eyes roamed her body as she slid on top of the bed.

She smiled and patted the sheets beside her.

He supposed they could argue about this later.


	2. Chapter 2

**[Christmas Day]**

"Why don't you just stay here?" Julie asked her grandfather when she met him in the driveway. She gave him a great big hug. It had been a long time since she'd seen him, and she adored her grandfather. He'd driven all the way from El Paso, arriving at 5 PM on Christmas day. He hadn't wanted to miss the Christmas Eve service at his own Catholic church.

Grandpa Taylor would be leaving again in two days, and Dad would leave for Austin not long after that. Julie was glad her mother had decided to stay in Dillon, because she didn't want to move away from Matt and all of her friends, but she didn't understand how her Dad could just leave them like that. If she didn't want to move, and Mom didn't want to move, why didn't Dad just stay? Two against one, right? Was this job really _that_ important? More important than being with his family?

Julie knew little of the behind-closed-door arguments that had gone on between her parents. When she'd walked in on them fighting in that hotel room after the State Championships, they'd dismissed the argument as nothing and offered to take her out for ice cream, as if she was a little girl who could be distracted by treats, and not a fifteen-year-old with a clear sense that something was wrong.

Grandpa Taylor put a duffle bag on the hood of his Buick and took off his fedora. His long black overcoat was unbuttoned over his white dress shirt and black slacks. It was forty-five degrees at the moment, but the temperature was supposed to drop tomorrow. "Fish and guests stink after three hours."

"I think that's three days, Gramps."

He unzipped the bag. "This isn't your Christmas present, but I know you like literature." He handed her book of poetry. "Rumi – he's some 12th century Sufi poet. Have you heard of him?"

"Uh…not really."

"Well, I've been reading him, and I think you'll like him."

"You _hate_ poetry," she said.

"I have a friend who likes it. I'm broadening my horizons."

Julie raised an eyebrow. "A _friend_? Like, a lady friend?"

"Tell me if you like it. Then tell me what it means."

He shoved his fedora in his duffle bag and followed her into the house. When they were in the living room before the Christmas tree, he greeted Julie's parents and set the bag on the coffee table. Grandpa Taylor began pulling out wrapped presents and handing them to Julie to set beneath the tree. He also pulled out a bottle of wine, which he handed to Julie's mom.

"Texas wine, James? Really?"

"It's not as awful as you imagine. It's actually quite good. I got it from a little boutique winery in the Hudson Valley, just outside of El Paso. The owner is a friend."

"And he makes good wine?" Mom asked. "In Texas?"

"She makes very good wine."

Julie smiled, leaned in, and teased her grandfather in a whisper, "Is this the same _friend_ that loves poetry?"

Grandpa Taylor didn't respond but returned his attention to Tami's mom. "I realize you can't drink it while you're pregnant, but it ages well."

Julie dropped one of the gifts to the ground. "What ? !"

Grandpa Taylor's face went suddenly white. "I'm so sorry," he said. "I assumed you'd told her."

Mom whirled on Dad. "You told your father?"

"Well, you told your mother, didn't you?"

"No! Not yet!"

Grandpa took a step back. "I'll uh…I'll just excuse myself out front to make a phone call. I need to make a phone call." He rushed out of the house as if it was on fire.

"What does he mean you're pregnant?" Julie asked her parents when the front door closed.

"Well, Jules, the truth is…" Mom took a deep breath. "I _am_ pregnant."

Julie shook her head. "How? You're too old."

"I'm not _that_ old, sweetheart. I'm barely forty. Your dad and I got married young."

"But…did you two _plan_ this?"

"Well," her mom admitted, "we didn't exactly plan it."

"So it's a mistake?"

"It's not a mistake!" Her father seemed to realize he was yelling and lowered his voice. "This baby is welcome, will be welcome in our family."

"We were going to tell you before your dad left for Austin."

Julie whirled on her father. "How can you be going to Austin while Mom's pregnant? Just leaving a pregnant woman alone like that?"

Dad glanced at Mom. Mom gave him one of her looks, those _be quiet_ looks. Julie wondered what Dad wanted to say but wasn't saying. What he did say was, "I'll be home every other weekend from now until football season. And I'll take a couple weeks off after the baby is born."

Julie hugged herself. This didn't make sense. None of it made sense. She remembered a three year period when she was in elementary school, when her parents would ask her what she wanted for Christmas, and she would answer, "A brother or a sister. I'd prefer a sister," and they would look pained, and Mom would say, "They don't make those in Santa's workshop."

But Julie hadn't thought of a sibling for years. And, biologically, she would be old enough to be this child's mother. It would be weird. Just weird. And where did she fit in all this? What would she be? The babysitter?

Her mother put an arm around her. "You're going to make an excellent big sister, Jules. I know you are."

"Is there…isn't it dangerous at your age?" Julie asked.

"There's always a risk," Mom said, and Dad seemed to pale a little. "I had a very healthy pregnancy with you, and the doctor says everything is going well with this one so far. I'm in good health and I have good healthcare."

"Doesn't….doesn't the risk of down syndrome and other genetic abnormalities go up with age?"

"Yes, but there's still better than a 97% chance that everything will be perfectly fine. You have any questions about this, or worries, Jules, you know you can talk to me anytime. Me or your father."

"Well, Dad's going to be in Austin."

Her father, hands on his hips, looked down at the carpet and clenched his jaw.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** **_OOOPS!_** I accidentally uploaded the wrong version of chapter three. I must have saved it under a different name after I edited it. This revised version has an extra scene between Matt and Julie before Tami's phone call to her mom.

**[*]**

Matt held the wrapped CD he'd bought for Julie for Christmas, as well as the necklace. He knew he had to get something romantic too. Girls expected that. He hoped she liked it. He had no idea what to give her when it came to jewelry.

When he approached the Taylors' driveway, there was tall, well-dressed man leaning against a Buick, laughing into a cell phone. His mostly gray hair was peppered with black.

Matt put a hesitant foot in the driveway, and when the man spied him approaching, he said, "I have to get going. See you next Saturday?"

He slid the phone into his pants pocket and looked at Matt. "Can I help you?" he asked.

"Uh…I was just…bringing a present for…" He pointed to the house.

"Are you Julie's boyfriend?"

"Uh…yes?"

"You're not sure?"

"Umm…" Matt looked behind himself.

When he looked back, the man was studying him. "That's not something you should be vague about, son."

"I am," he said. "I am her boyfriend."

The man extended his hand. "James Taylor," he said.

"Like the musician?" Matt asked as he shook.

"Yes. I'm a five-time Grammy winner. Julie didn't tell you?"

Matt shook his head. That was a joke right?

"No, not like the musician, son. Like the football player." The man dropped his hand and sighed. "Not that you ever would have heard of me. I'm Julie's grandfather. Maybe you've heard of me in that capacity?"

"Um…she mentioned you once or twice I guess."

Mr. Taylor glanced down at the gifts in Matt's hand. "Hope you got her something nice. She deserves the very best."

Matt swallowed.

"You play football, son? For the Panthers?"

"Yes, sir."

"What position?"

"Quar…Quarterback."

"I was an offensive tackle in the AFL."

Matt peered at him. He didn't _look_ like an offensive tackle. He was a decent-sized man, but he didn't have much extra weight at all. He certainly didn't have that round belly. Maybe he had it when he was playing for the AFL, or maybe he was just quick. Maybe his muscles and height were enough. He was pretty tall, taller even than Coach Taylor. "They, uh….They have the highest Wonderlic scores."

Mr. Taylor chuckled. "Julie says you're pretty smart yourself." Then his tone grew from mild to interrogatory: "What's your GPA?"

"Uh…3.7."

"Should be at least a 3.8. What's your best academic subject?"

"Art."

"I said _academic_ subject."

Matt looked helplessly toward the house. Maybe Julie would come out and save him. "Math I guess."

"Do you have a job?"

"Yes, sir."

"And that would be?"

"Umm….I work at the Alamo Freeze."

"That can't pay well."

"It…I'm…."

"You treat her well? My granddaughter?"

"Yes, sir."

"Good. Women are to be respected." Julie's grandfather raised a finger. "And an honorable man _never_ pressures a woman."

"Yes, sir."

"How old are you?"

"16. I'm going to be 17."

"Yes, 17 usually comes after 16. I'm glad you can count. It's a useful skill, even in this modern age. What kind of music do you listen to?"

Matt looked toward the house again. When would this interrogation end? "Uh...alternative."

"Alternative to what?"

"Um..."

"I like the old crooners. And big band music. And country. The _old_ country. Not this pop with a twang crap they put out now."

Matt wasn't sure what he was supposed to say to that. "I like, uh…Johnny Cash."

"Of course you do. There'd be something wrong with you if you didn't. You say you like art. Who's your favorite artist?"

Matt couldn't think of his favorite artist at the moment. He could barely think at all. So he said the first name that came to mind: "M.C. Escher."

"Is that the guy with the hand drawing the hand and the staircase?"

"Yes, sir."

"Well at least he's marketable. Favorite book."

"Umm…I don't….I don't know."

"Don't you read? My granddaughter reads a lot. She's a great reader."

"I read…I just …I guess, um, _Lord of the Rings_." That was Landry's favorite book, anyway. Landry had talked about it for half of 7th grade. Matt had tried to read it, just because Landry kept asking him to, but he only got half way through. There were an awful lot of details about cultures that didn't really exist. Matt didn't even like investing that much time learning about cultures that _did_ exist.

"_Lord of the Rings?_ Tolkien, right?"

"Um… yes?"

"He was Catholic."

Was that good or bad? Matt didn't know. The Taylors weren't Catholic. They didn't _dislike_ Catholics though. They didn't dislike anybody. Well, Coach Taylor did. Sometimes it seemed to Matt as if he disliked everyone who wasn't his wife or daughter. Mrs. Coach, on the other hand, seemed to like everybody.

"_Lord of the Rings_," Julie's grandfather repeated. "You don't play Dungeons and Dragons do you?"

"What?"

"My son used to play that."

For the first time Matt exclaimed rather than stuttered: "_Coach Taylor_?" No way. Julie's grandfather must be talking about another son. Coach Taylor must have a brother Matt didn't know about.

"When he was in junior high. I don't know what that was about. Dice and elves and nonsense." Mr. Taylor looked back toward the house. He glanced at his watch. "I guess we can go in now."

_Thank God._

**[*]**

Julie looked upset when Matt came in and handed her the presents. He wanted to find out what was bothering her, but he also wanted to escape the scrutiny of her grandfather, who kept looking at him as though sizing him up. He tried to say he was just dropping off the gift and to make a graceful exit, but Mrs. Coach insisted he stay while they all opened presents.

"You staying for dinner?" Coach Taylor asked.

"Uh…no…I have to get back to my grandma."

Matt bit his bottom lip while Julie unwrapped first the CD and then the necklace. "I love it!" she said, her sweet smile breaking out across her face. A wave of relief washed over him and she happily put it on, a relief that was short-lived because of the way both Coach Taylor and Mr. Taylor were looking back and forth between the jewelry and him.

Julie gave Matt some sketch pads and drawing pens, and then she opened about eight gifts from her grandfather, including a necklace that was five times more expensive than the one Matt had given her. She didn't put it on, though. She kept Matt's on.

Mrs. Coach plied him with two cups of non-alcoholic egg nog before he finally made his getaway.

**[*]**

Julie followed Matt out the door. He must have walked here, because he was halfway down the block already. She ran to catch up with him. When he turned around, she threw his arms around his neck and kissed him and thanked him for his gift again. "I couldn't thank you properly in there," she said.

They stood kissing on the sidewalk for a few minutes until he pulled away. "Did your grandfather use to be a cop or something? After he played football?"

"What? No. He was a manager and then an athletic director."

"Well, he sure grilled me when I came up your driveway."

Julie snickered. "About what?"

"About everything."

"Gramp's harmless. He just looks and acts tough. Don't worry about him." She took both his hands in hers and took a deep breath. "So my mom's pregnant."

"What?" Matt exclaimed the word more than asked it.

"Yeah, that's what I said." Julie let go of his hands. "Weird, huh?"

"And you guys are still staying here while your dad goes to Austin?

Julie dug under her fingernail and nodded.

"My dad left when my mom was pregnant with me. The first time he left. Then he came back and my mom left."

"My dad's not leaving! He's just…he's going away for work. For a while."

"Sorry. Hey…" He pulled her close, because she was beginning to cry a little. "I didn't mean it like that. Your parents would never get divorced."

"I don't get why he doesn't just stay with the Panthers!" Julie murmured into his chest. "Mom and I both want to stay." She stepped back. "Okay, it's a ton more money and it's more prestigious and all that…but…really?"

Matt scratched the back of his head. "I guess…his work is more important to him than people." The betrayal of Coach Taylor leaving the Panthers still stung, even if Julie was staying.

Julie shook her head. "I didn't think he was shallow like that. You know?"

"All those speeches he gave," Matt said. "I didn't either." He bent and kissed her. "But you're staying. _You're_ staying, and _we're_ going to be together."

**[*]**

"You can't have it all," Tami's mother said.

Tami had just made the international phone call to Italy to tell her mother she was pregnant (since apparently Eric's dad already knew) and to wish her a Merry Christmas. Tami's mom had moved there three years ago with her husband Antonio, who had retired to his home town of Milan. Eric and Tami kept planning to take a trip to Italy, to see her mother and to enjoy a second honeymoon, but it never came to fruition. Things like life and new jobs and troubled teenagers and unexpected pregnancies kept getting in the way. Tami's sister Shelley had been to Italy twice already, but Shelley only had her own schedule to worry about.

"What are you talking about?"

"This plan of yours to keep your job while Eric goes to Austin for his job, while you have the baby…it's like you think you can have it all."

"Mom, you always advised me to establish a career, to have something to fall back on instead of a man."

"Yeah, but now you've got a man who will always be there when you fall back. That's a rarity, Tami. You need to support him."

"I _am_ supporting him. That's why I wouldn't let him give up this job and stay in Dillon! Because I'm supporting him in reaching for and fulfilling his dream."

"Then why don't you just move to Austin _with_ him?"

Tami sighed. There were a dozen reasons. Her little girl was in love, and although Tami certainly did not allow her teenage daughter to make decisions for them, Matt was definitely in the plus column for Dillon. Changing schools and adjusting to a new curriculum was always an academic challenge. Selling a house was a pain in the ass. But most importantly, Tami had a family of children here in Dillon, broken teenagers who were relying on her for guidance and whom she did not want to abandon. Eric was proud of her on some level, but he didn't really understand how important her work was to her. Tami had been half lost as a teenager, and her guidance counselor had been one of the few people, along with Eric, to believe in her and help her turn her life around. Tami thought maybe she was about to do that for some of these kids. "I love the work I'm doing here as a counselor."

"A job?" Tami's mother asked. "You're putting a job before your husband? Before your children, who need their father?"

"This work is meaningful for me. I'm about to make a breakthrough with some of these kids. You don't know what it's like to have meaningful work."

There was a stony silence on the other end of the line.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean that the way it sounded. I – "

"- Tami, secretarial work wasn't profound, but it paid the bills. Let me tell you something. It was hard being a single mother."

"I know it was. That's not lost on me, Mom. I know how hard it was for you to – "

"- Then why would you want to be one yourself?"

"I'm not going to be a single mom! Eric will be home on and off, and his salary will be paying all the bills. We'll be putting mine in Julie's college fund."

"Well Lord knows I can't change your mind about anything. Never could. You always had to learn from experience, from picking yourself up and dusting yourself off."

"I called to wish you Merry Christmas! I didn't call for a lecture!"

"Merry Christmas, Tami. Congratulations on the pregnancy. Tell Eric I said hello. Can I talk to Julie?"

Tami covered the phone with her hand and yelled, "Julie!"

When Julie came into the kitchen, she handed off the phone a little violently.


	4. Chapter 4

Eric blew the smoke out to the left of the patio and coughed slightly. He didn't care much for cigars, but he'd learned to pretend early on in his coaching career.

Eric's father had smoked cigars for as long as he could remember, though he'd never been a drinker. After Eric's mom died, his father had finally touched alcohol for the first time. Mr. Taylor sipped his glass of wine now.

"Pretty good for Texas wine," Eric said. He had to say something. They'd been sitting here smoking and drinking in silence for almost ten minutes.

"You still going through with this separation?" his father asked.

Eric leaned down toward the glass ashtray between their two folding chairs and angrily stubbed out his cigar. "It's not a separation." He picked up his wine glass and took a sip.

"Tami's a strong woman," his father said. "You need to be a stronger man."

"I don't need your marriage advice."

Mr. Taylor took a puff of his cigar and watched the smoke curl. "Football is not the most important thing in the world."

"This coming from _you_? You were always disappointed I didn't make it to the NFL. Well, coaching at TMU isn't the NFL, but it's a step up."

Eric wanted his father to contradict him, to say, _I was never disappointed in you, son_. But he didn't say it. Instead, he said, "If Tami's too damn stubborn to follow you, why don't you just stay? There's still time to get back on with the Panthers."

Maybe. It wasn't even January yet. The boosters were starting to court McGregor for the position, but they hadn't actually offered the man a contract yet. They might take him back if he begged. That wouldn't be true in a month, though. If he was going to act, he had to act before they signed McGregor. But Tami wouldn't hear of it.

"You don't know Tami," Eric said. "She'll never agree to me turning down this job."

"Tami doesn't _have_ to _agree_ to it. Just tell her they rescinded the contract at the last minute and you had no choice but to stay. Then she can't feel like it's her fault. She needs to feel like it's not her fault."

"I don't _lie_ to _my_ wife. We're equal partners in this marriage."

His father leaned down and flicked his ash into the tray. "How's that work, son? A democracy of two? Who's the tie breaker?"

Eric stood up and drained his last sip of wine. "Not you." He turned and jerked open the sliding glass door. "Merry Christmas."

**[*]**

Eric said goodnight to Julie, who was sitting in the armchair and reading a book of poetry her grandfather had given her. She didn't respond. "Goodnight," he repeated.

She grunted.

He plucked a candy cane off the tree and sat on the couch. He tapped the cane against his knee. "Do you really have to be rude to your own father on Christmas day?"

"I'm sorry. Should I wait to be rude until you're in Austin?"

"Need I remind you that you're the one who wanted to stay here? I would be happy to have you and your mother follow me to Austin."

She slammed the book shut. "So it's my fault then? That you're not going to be around for Mom's pregnancy? That's all on me?"

"No, Julie, it's not all on you. But I'd appreciate it if you realized this isn't going to be easy for me either, and that there _is_ a solution to keeping our family together. We could _all_ move to Austin."

"Well Mom doesn't want to do that either," Julie said. "And I guess the solution to stay here never _really_ occurred to you."

Should he tell her he had offered to stay and that Tami had turned him down? They'd never used Julie as a pawn in their arguments, not intentionally anyway. He didn't want to start now. "You're my daughter, and I love you. I know this is not how you wanted things to happen. It's not how I wanted them to happen either. But listen - I have to leave in six days. I'd like to leave knowing you don't hate me."

"I don't hate you," she said softly. "If I hated you I wouldn't care if you left, would I?"

He stood up and came over and kissed the top of her head. "I'm gonna miss you, Monkey Noodle."

**[*]**

When Eric got to the bedroom, Tami was waiting up for him. "I have a private Christmas gift for you," she said as she put her book down on the nightstand and coquettishly lowered the blanket to reveal the skimpy, dark red lingerie he'd dared to give her last Valentine's Day. "I won't be able to wear it in two weeks."

Tami wasn't overly tired with this pregnancy so far, and she hadn't had any morning sickness yet. He couldn't remember if that was a good sign or a bad sign, the lack of morning sickness. What if she had a miscarriage and he was in Austin? What if she lost the baby alone?

He took off his shoes and socks and sat down on his side of the bed, but he didn't touch her. "I'm sorry. I'm not much in the mood at the moment."

"What?" She pulled the covers back over herself and scooted closer to him and put a hand on his knee. "What's wrong?"

He looked down at his hands, which he'd laced together in his lap. He didn't want to beg, but it slipped out, quietly, almost as a whisper: "Please come to Austin with me."

She let out a long sigh and scooted away to lean back against the headboard. "We've been over this and over this. How can I go to Austin with you? It's the middle of the school year. I'm still working. Julie's still in school. The house isn't on the market. I'm only planning to take four week's maternity leave and then go back to work. You know the plan!"

He leaned his head back against the wall and closed his eyes. "Don't make me say this."

"Say what?"

"How much I need you."

"Oh, sweetheart." She scooted up to him again and put a hand over his hands and kissed his cheek. "I know it's not going to be easy, for either of us, but we have a very strong marriage, and we can _both_ handle this. We'll call each other every night, you'll come up every other – "

" – You don't get what I'm saying here. You want me to take this job, to live out my dream, to be this great college coach I've always wanted to be. Well, I don't know if I can succeed without you."

"Honey, you'll still have my moral support. And you can certainly succeed. You're an excellent coach. I've seen what you can do."

He slid his hands out from under hers. "So that's a no then. Even though I said please?"

"It's not _really_ the magic word, Eric. That's just what we told Julie when she was little." She laughed. "Hey," she whispered, and kissed him. "I've thought this through. It's a way for _all_ of us to pursue our dreams. And us being apart… it's only temporary." She smiled and tried to catch his eye. "Eric…come on…let's not fight about this again. We only have a few days before you leave." She flipped off the blanket again.

She looked amazing. As irritated and keyed-up and worried as he was, he couldn't help but notice that.

"Don't make me waste this lingerie, sugar," she said. "Please?"

"You just told me please is not the magic word."

She nibbled his earlobe, scrapping it gently with her teeth. She knew the precise sensitive spot that always turned him on. "What _is_ the magic word?" she asked, her voice low and sultry. "Or is it a magic phrase? Is it…" She whispered something dirty while she unfastened his belt buckle and slid it from the loops.

He closed his eyes.

"Is it…." She told him what she wanted to do to him as she unfastened the button on his jeans. "Or is it…" She whispered what she wanted _him_ to do to _her_ as she pulled down his zipper.

"That's it," he growled and flipped her on her back before assaulting her neck with hungry nips and sliding up the silky fabric of her lingerie.

**[*]**

Julie tucked her hands under her arm pits to keep them warm when she sat next to her grandfather on the back porch. The temperature had dropped to thirty-eight degrees, but he'd lit the outdoor chimney Dad had finally set up last week. Mom had only been asking him to do it for four weeks, but Julie supposed now that he was leaving, he was finally trying to get his to-do list done.

"So I read half that Rumi book," Julie told him. "It's pretty good. It sounds so modern for the 12th century."

"So what's it about?"

"Well, it's _poetry_. It's about a lot of different things. Mostly spiritual stuff. And love. Tell your friend you especially liked the poem about spiritual window shoppers and that you can relate to it as a devout Catholic."

"What if there are follow up questions?"

She laughed. "Wing it." She peered at him. "So…is this serious?"

"Is what serious?"

"You and your lady friend?"

"Matt's a rather timid fellow. I can't imagine how he's going to keep a clever, opinionated girl like you in line."

"I draw my own lines. And don't change the subject. How long have you been dating this chick?"

"She's not a _chick_. And we're not dating. I met her four months ago when I was touring wineries. She owns one, and we got to talking while I was tasting her wine, and… well…we go out to dinner and to plays and to concerts and take walks and that sort of thing."

Julie laughed. "Um…hate to tell you, but that _is_ dating."

Grandpa Taylor sipped his wine. "I'm not sure she's looking for that sort of relationship with me."

"How old is she?"

"Fifty."

"Oooh…a younger woman. By ten years."

"She thinks I'm fifty-five."

"Well you _look_ fifty."

Grandpa Taylor half leaned over his chair in a conspiratorial gesture, "Listen, don't mention any of this to your father. I know it's been ten years since your grandmother died, but…I think it would bother him. I still miss your grandmother. Every day. But…" He glanced away. "She's delightful company, this woman."

"Then enjoy her company. And I won't tell Dad. I won't tell Mom either. It would totally creep her out to know you're dating a woman who's only ten years older than her."

"Your mother's only thirty-five."

"She's forty."

"No, I'm pretty sure she turned thirty-five for her last five birthdays." Grandpa smiled. "Now this Matthew fellow. Do your mother and father approve of him?"

"What does _that_ matter?" Julie asked.

"They have your best interests at heart, Julie. So it matters."

"I think so. Dad told Mom at least he's not a Riggins."

"What's a Riggins?"

The hour grew later as they talked.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N:** Thanks to all who have commented. Comments are welcome!

**[*]**

Tami, propped up on one elbow, watched her husband sleep. It hadn't taken him long to drift off after the hungry lovemaking.

She felt the wings of doubt fluttering somewhere in her stomach. It almost felt as if the baby was moving, but it was much too early for anything like that. She tried to stifle the feeling.

Tami had already moved five times for Eric's career. She'd put her career on a back burner and left it there unattended. Now she finally had a job at which she'd earned real respect and through which she was making a real impact. Julie was almost sixteen - increasingly self-sufficient. It was _supposed_ to be time, finally, for her to pursue her career alongside his. It hadn't even seemed to matter when the TMU job dropped from the sky. They could live apart. He was getting a 90% raise overnight. With that kind of salary, he could travel home often, and with her energy, they could make the most of their time together.

But then she'd gotten pregnant.

When Tami had seen Eric's joy in her announcement of the pregnancy, she had felt relief – but also guilt, because his joy was so pure, so accepting, so complete, and hers was…mixed. Hesitant. Half certain. She wasn't twenty-four anymore, and she'd given up hoping. But like a miracle, it had happened, and you couldn't reject a miracle.

If it weren't for the pregnancy, Eric never would have offered to stay in Dillon. Tami had known that when she turned down his offer. But she couldn't follow him either. If she had to leave her job and start all over now, it would feel as if she had scaled a ladder only to slide all the way back to the very first rung. She didn't want Eric to resent this baby, but she didn't want to resent it either.

This separation would work out just fine, she told herself. She was right to insist on this course. Neither of them should have to give up his or her career for this baby. They were strong enough to endure time apart. In fact, it might strengthen their marriage by making them appreciate their time together more.

When she couldn't sleep, Tami got dressed in sweats and a Panther's T-shirt and headed to the kitchen for a glass of water. On the way, she noticed her father-in-law and Julie were out on the back porch talking. She slid open the glass door. "James, why don't you just stay the night in the guest bedroom? This hotel thing is ridiculous, and it's already after midnight."

"Yeah, I already made him cancel his reservations," Julie told her.

"Good," Tami said. "What are y'all talking about?"

James gave Julie a warning look and Julie snickered. "Nothing much," she said. "Football."

"Uh huh. Well, y'all have fun." Tami started to slide the door closed again.

"Join us," James said.

Surprised by his invitation, Tami hesitated, but she put on some slippers and a sweatshirt and came out. He pulled up a lawn chair for her, and she settled in.

Within minutes, Julie was yawning and excused herself.

Tami's father-in-law reached for his wine glass, which he'd set on the porch by the empty bottle.

"Did you drink that whole bottle yourself?" Tami asked.

"Your husband had a glass and a half."

"What are you up to in El Paso these days? Getting bored in your retirement?"

"Oh…I've found ways to amuse myself. Reading. Touring wineries. Coaching Pee Wee."

She laughed. "Really?" She knew James had once coached Eric's own Pee Wee team, and he'd been an active grandfather to Julie, but she couldn't imagine him with an entire team full of little boys. "Don't those boys wear you out?"

"They try. But my doctor says I have the health of a forty-five-year-old. I'll likely live a very long time, provided I don't drink myself to death like my father did."

Tami sighed. "And my father." She glanced at his wine. "You haven't been working on that have you?"

"No. And I didn't start drinking until I was fifty, so my liver has a long way to go yet."

Tami really wanted a glass of wine. It was a nightly ritual for her, and it was hard to think she'd have to go without not just for the rest of the pregnancy, but also during the breast feeding. Some adult children of alcoholics refuse to drink at all, as Tami's father-in-law had done for years, for fear they'd go down the same path. Tami, on the other hand, had preferred instead to establish her own "personal consumption boundaries." She'd written down a list of rules for herself when she was sixteen, the night after she'd enjoyed her first beer:

(1) _I will never drink before noon._ She'd bent that boundary once or twice or twenty times for a mimosa, though.

(2) _I will never have sex while drunk or with a guy who is drunk. _She'd let that one slide after marrying Eric, because she knew she'd never wake up with regrets. Besides, Eric could get so romantically mushy when he was drunk that it was impossible to resist him.

(3) _I will never drink more than two drinks on a weekday evening._ There'd been a few times in the past twenty years that she'd violated that one, but she could still count them on two hands. Well, two hands and two feet.

(4) _I will never drive drunk._ Now that one, at least, she'd honored to this day.

Her father-in-law put his now empty wine glass down on the porch. Tami could feel him studying her. "You have something you want to say to me, James?"

"My wife was very fond of you. I think she saw in you certain strengths she always wished she had, strengths she believed she lacked."

Tami didn't know what to think of that statement. James was the type to damn with faint praise.

"But Betty was not a weak woman," he continued. "She was much stronger than she ever gave herself credit for. You knew her after our daughter died, but when I first met her…" He shook his head. "I can't describe to you how vivacious she was, how alive. And it was still hard, the fact that I wasn't around much the first few years of Eric's life. It was very difficult for her. But it wasn't difficult because she was weak. It was difficult because children are difficult. Because life is difficult. Because none of us is meant to handle it all on our own."

"Well, I'm glad I don't have to," Tami said. "I'm glad Eric will be just a quick plane ride away, and that I have a responsible young teenage daughter, and good neighbors, and friends."

He rubbed his eyes and sighed. "If I had known you weren't going to follow him, I'd never have planted that seed."

"What seed?" Tami asked.

"Nothing." He picked up his empty glass and stood. "Goodnight."

She followed him inside as he clinked his wine glass down on the kitchen bar. She finally forced him to stop just behind the couch in the living room. "You don't just let something like that slip, James. _What_ seed?"

Her father-in-law faced her. "I know the Athletic Director at TMU. Nine years ago, he was my assistant director at El Paso. TMU hired him with my recommendation. I may have drawn the man's attention to Eric's performance as head coach of the Dillon Panthers, as soon as I heard they were looking for a QB coach."

"My husband didn't need any attention drawn to his performance! His performance was all over the news."

"When TMU started courting Eric, he hadn't yet won the State Championship. He'd been head coach of the Dillon Panthers for less than a single season, and it was his first _ever_ head coaching position."

"He coached Jason all the way up from Pee Wee," she insisted. "He made him into the phenomenal quarterback he was, and when Jason was injured, my husband took Matt Saracen, who nobody believed could fill those shoes, and he made him into a fine quarterback too. Eric is an excellent coach. No one has to open anybody's eyes to that. Anyone who has eyes can see that."

"You're right, Tami. Eric probably didn't need my help to get that job."

"Of course I'm right."

"You always are, aren't you?"

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"Tami, it's not necessary to swear, now, is it?"

Her father-in-law's condescending calmness infuriated her. "Oh I think it _is_ necessary, James. When you start passively aggressively dropping little hints about helping Eric, and then you tell me I'm always right, I think it's necessary to swear. In fact, I think it's specifically necessary to call _bullshit_. That's what I think."

She waited for his jaw to set itself in that firm line Eric always got when he was holding in the anger. They were so alike in that one gesture. But instead, her father-in-law smiled. Then he chuckled.

"You think that's amusing?" she asked.

"Sorry. It's just…sometimes you remind me of someone I know," he said.

"Yeah? Who's that?"

"Me."

"What? You and I are nothing alike."

"You and I," he said, "we know what it's like to grow up as the eldest child of a drunk. Not even an alcoholic. That's easy compared to a _drunk_. We both know what it's like to be judged by where we came from instead of who we are. We both know what it's like for others to _expect_ us to fail. And we both know what it's like to be right all the time - to _have_ to be right all the time. Because if we're _not_ right all the time, it all comes crashing down, doesn't it?"

"You think I'm making the wrong choice about Austin."

"I think you're making the choice you believe you have to make. But I also think if at some point you discover you've made the wrong choice, the world won't end when you admit it. I also think I'm sixty. I'm sixty, Tami, and maybe it's finally time for me to stop being right all the time. But it's hard. It's hard, isn't it? It's hard to stop, when you've been right for so long." He rested a hand lightly on her shoulder as he walked past her. "Goodnight."


	6. Chapter 6

Matt Saracen was the perfect boyfriend. He was cute and smart and sweet. He never pressured Julie for sex, and he never flirted with other girls. (He barely knew how to flirt with his own.) He made Julie playlists of songs that meant something to him, and every now and then, he would whisper, "I love you."

They were the perfect, model couple, and come about May, the day after her sixteenth birthday, Julie began to feel the weight of that responsibility.

She had insisted on staying in Dillon for Matt. She hadn't known her father would still go to Austin, but Julie couldn't help but feel she had contributed to that division. It was now her responsibility to make her relationship with Matt work. If it didn't work, her parents would hate her and Dillon would lose its model teenage couple…it seemed as if the whole world would resent her.

It wasn't that there was anything wrong with Matt. It was that Julie had suddenly realized she had no choice, that she was a mere sixteen, and she had already locked herself into something that was semi-permanent. At what was supposed to be an age of freedom and exploration, she had already trapped herself somewhere in the mirror of her parents' marriage.

She knew her parents loved one another, but was this really all life was about? One person, the same person, every night, every morning, and the only way you could half pursue your mediocre dreams was to fight about who got to do what when?

Julie was supposed to travel the world, to be a writer, to be a dancer, to be an anthropologist (she hadn't thought about that one for years), to be a hundred things and go a hundred places. She didn't want to live forever in a town like Dillon, or to consider some job like that of high school guidance counselor to be a career pinnacle. She didn't want to follow Matt for his career – whatever that might be – for a decade and a half, and then finally get to do some small thing of her own. She didn't want to be her mother.

When the pools opened in May, Julie began lifeguarding on weekends and evenings. When school let out, she'd work full-time. It was a fun way to earn cash. She not only got to work on her tan, but she got to admire all of the boys, and there was one in particular – older, dark-haired, _international_. Julie noticed him, not because he was better-looking than Matt, but because he was different, foreign, something _other_ - and because maybe he was a way of escaping this great burden of responsibility.

Mom was too busy with her job and the pregnancy to notice Julie flirting with the Swedish lifeguard, and Dad wasn't around to notice. He'd been coming up only every other weekend, but even those visits would probably stop when football season began. Besides, they were both about to have another daughter to worry about.

They'd found out the baby was going to be a girl on Dad's last visit. Julie had thought her father would be disappointed, but he'd been happy. "I'd hoped it would be a girl!"

"Why?" Julie had asked him.

She'd actually hoped for a brother. As a young child, she'd wanted a sister to play with, but now, at sixteen, a playmate was out of the question. A boy would play football and do all the rough things Julie had never wanted to do, but Dad wouldn't call him princess and smile when he dressed up and take him to daddy-son dances and glower protectively over his girlfriends. A boy wouldn't replace her.

Dad had shrugged. "My father had a son, and he had a daughter. I saw who he was the better father with."

Julie missed her father. She hadn't wanted him to leave, but she also hadn't expected to miss him _quite_ this much. She'd thought he was a _presence_ for the most part. How can you miss a _presence_?

It wasn't until he left that she began to think that maybe a presence was much more than she thought it was. If she'd had the introspection and maturity to realize it, she might have concluded that her father's _presence_ had changed the family dynamic, had made her feel secure, had given her greater self-respect, and had influenced her relationships with all the boys around her.

She smiled now as the Swedish lifeguard walked beneath her chair.

[*]

"What are you wearing?" Eric asked through the phone.

Tami lay on their bed with a hand over her protruding stomach. She'd started showing much earlier with this pregnancy than she had with Julie, and now that it was June, she felt like a blimp. She had on a knee-length, cotton, maternity house dress, one solid gray shade, like a tent. "Nothing," she told him.

"Yeah?"

"Not a stitch, sugar. I'm completely naked."

"Yeah? What are you doing?"

She was watching the TV on mute, tuned to the cooking channel. "Thinking of you, and slowly letting my fingers trail down…"

"_Yeah?_"

She sighed. "Eric, I don't feel like phone sex."

There was silence on the other end of the line.

"I'm sorry," she said.

"You said you've been pretty horny lately."

"I have been." She hadn't expected it. When she was pregnant with Julie, she'd gotten that horniness kick during the second trimester, but it was completely gone by the third. She hadn't wanted Eric to touch her. Now, she thought about sex every night. "It's just…the phone thing. It's not working for me."

"I'm terrible at phone sex, aren't I?"

She laughed. He _was _terrible at phone sex. He had a deep, sexy voice, but he had trouble talking dirty on the phone. She did most of the talking and he just said _yeah_ a lot. He wasn't a phone man in general, even when it came to everyday conversations. He was a face-to-face man. "You're very talented in person, though, sugar. I miss you. It'll be good to see you Saturday."

"Yeah…about that. Um…we've got this scouting thing on Friday. And then I have meetings with the coaches Saturday until three in the afternoon. And then I have this meeting with the administration on Sunday…I'm not going to be able to make this weekend. But I'll be up the weekend after."

"Eric, but this Saturday is special!"

"It is? It's…it's not our anniversary."

She rolled over on the bed and hugged the pillow he usually slept on. "Unbelievable."

"What?" he asked. "What did I forget? I'm sorry, whatever it is."

"It's _your_ birthday, Eric."

"Oh. Huh."

"The big 4-0. Don't you want to spend that with your family?"

"Yeah, I do…but…we'll just celebrate it a week late, babe. That's all." When she didn't respond, he said, "I love you, Tami. I miss you. How's the baby?"

"Baby's fine. Just went to my check-up yesterday. Healthy as a horse."

"Are horses usually healthier than human babies?"

She chortled. "Julie's lifeguarding full-time now, and when she's not lifeguarding she's out with Matt or Lois or Landry or at her evening summer school class. I hardly ever see her."

"Summer school? What?"

"To get ahead in math. Not because she failed anything. I told you she had all A's and one B on her final report card."

"No you didn't. What was the B in?"

"P.E."

Eric groaned.

"So how's your job going?"

They talked for another twenty minutes before the awkward silences started descending. There were never any awkward silences in person. Over a bottle of wine, they could talk for two hours, but on the phone…they never got past twenty minutes.

Tami felt a weird mixture of feelings when she hung up. Love, loneliness, irritation, regret – and then the resolve not to regret.

[*]

"Tell me again why we had to leave at six in the morning to drive three hundred miles while you're seven-and-a-half months pregnant?" Julie asked.

"Because it's your father's big fortieth birthday, and we need to surprise him," her mom insisted. They were half way to Austin. "I have the keys to his place, and we're going to go in there before he gets back from his Saturday meetings and bake a nice cake for him – his favorite cake."

Yellow cake with chocolate icing. Cake from a box mix. Betty Crocker, specifically. That was Dad's favorite cake. Easy enough, but it made Julie realize that her grandmother had probably never been the domestic type, which kind of surprised her to consider, since Grandpa Taylor seemed old school.

Julie braced herself when they got into Dad's bachelor's pad. She expected it to be a mess, with beer bottles strewn all over the end tables, empty Chinese takeout cartons on the kitchen counter, and game tape and sports magazine spread everywhere.

She also didn't think it was a good idea to go into someone's place without that person knowing. What if they found a porn magazine or something? Dad would never have one at home, but he was a man away from his wife in his own apartment. Who knew what they might find?

Julie scanned the small place when they stepped inside. It was shockingly ordered. She always assumed Mom picked up after Dad. Maybe he picked up after himself. Maybe he was as regimented in that as he was at coaching.

There was a coffee cup on one end table and a small stack of game tape by the TV, but that was it. There was an electric bill and a single magazine on the kitchen bar – a _Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue_. Julie's mother rolled her eyes, picked it up, and tossed it in the kitchen trash.

"He was probably reading it for the articles," Julie said.

Her mother laughed. "Actually, you know what's so funny about that? He just might have been. Although it's a bit out of date." She began unpacking the baking pans and mixing bowl she'd brought. Good thing, too, because Dad's cupboards had exactly one plate and one bowl and one glass and one coffee mug. There was a pint glass in the freezer, though, so he had that.

They got to baking and then went to the living room and Mom grabbed the remote control. Julie hoped the TV wasn't tuned to some porn channel when Mom turned it on. It would probably be on ESPN, but she didn't want any surprises.

Shockingly, it wasn't on ESPN. Less shockingly, it was on the History Channel. They watched a documentary while the cake baked, and Mom said, "So…tell me about the Swede."

"The what?"

"This boy you're flirting with at the pool."

Mom had noticed? "I'm not…really."

"Are you losing interest in Matt?"

"No. I just…No." Julie plucked the remote control out of her mom's hand.

"So this is just a harmless little distraction?" her mother asked. "I know what that's like. I used to do that my first year of college when I was dating your father, just to remind myself I still had it. I had no intention of ever following through. I already knew your dad was _the_ one."

Julie could tell her mom was studying her.

"So is that what this is? A harmless distraction?" Mom asked again.

"Sure." Julie changed the channel.

**[*]**

They'd just finished frosting the cake and were walking back to the living room when they heard rustling in the hallway and Dad's voice: "I got it, I got. Set that one down. Can you get my keys? They're hanging out of my pocket there."

Then a woman's voice: "Yeah, I got them." Then she laughed. "Don't drop that, Eric."

Julie looked at Mom, whose eyes had grown wide.

Julie thought there might be as much as a 35% chance that they'd find some porn in this bachelor's pad, but she thought there was a 0% chance they'd find a woman.

She watched her mom's tense face as the rustling of keys on the other side of the door ceased and it sprung open.


	7. Chapter 7

Next to Dad, holding a box of DVDs and video tapes, was a young woman in her early twenties. Twenty-four, Julie would guess. Twenty-four and very pretty.

"Tami!" Dad dropped the two boxes he was holding on the floor and came and kissed Julie's mom. "Hey, Julie babe," he said, and kissed the top of her head. "What are y'all doing here?"

Mom nodded toward the young woman.

"Oh, sorry. Didn't mean to be rude. Savannah, this is my wife Tami and my daughter Julie."

Savannah stepped out of the foyer, put down her box, and extended her hand – and her smile – one by one to each of them. "Nice to meet you," she said. "I've heard so much about you!"

"Have you now?" Mom said in that sweet southern voice that Julie knew to be fake. "That's so interesting, because we," she glanced to Julie and fake laughed, "We haven't heard anything at all about you."

The girl glanced nervously at Dad.

"Savannah's my graduate assistant," Dad said. "She was helping me bring up some game tape I need to look at this weekend. Thanks," he told her. "Will you reschedule that Sunday morning meeting with the assistant athletic director?" he asked. "I didn't know my family was going to be here."

Savannah nodded. She waved to Julie and Mom. "Well, nice meeting you."

"Why do you have a graduate assistant?" Julie asked when the door closed behind Savannah. "You're not a professor."

Mom surveyed him with one hand on her hip. "I thought the graduate assistants would all be men on the football team. Don't they have to know how to coach?"

"She's not one of the coaching assistants. Team's only allowed two of those. But we've got a bunch of GA's that do other stuff. She's hoping to get an administrative job in the Athletic Department when she graduates."

"How old is she?" Mom quizzed him.

"I didn't ask."

"Well I made you a birthday cake!" Mom said as if she was angry about it, as if it were some great sacrifice he had overlooked.

Julie let Dad follow Mom into the kitchen and lingered in the living room. She didn't want be a witness to whatever squabble was about to go down in there.

**[*]**

"Is that my favorite?" Eric asked, immediately sticking a finger in the icing. Tami smacked his hand. "What? It's my cake! It's my birthday!" He licked his finger.

"Don't stick it back in there. It's dirty now."

"Dirty," he murmured and kissed her. "I like being dirty with you." She tried to squirm away while he kissed her neck. "I missed you, Tami. You're staying tonight, right?"

"Of course we're staying. I'm sorry you had to change your plans for us."

"I'm not." He tried to kiss her lips and she backed away.

"How often does that assistant come over to your apartment like that?"

"Never. I was giving her a ride back from the office. She lives in the next complex over. She was just helping me bring some old game tape up." He smiled. "You're a little bit jealous aren't you?"

"No! I'm pretty sure you won't be having an affair with a twenty-two-year old."

"I think she's older than that. Not that I can tell anymore. Now that I'm forty." He took his TMU cap off and lay it on the counter. "Are you actually upset? "

She shrugged. "It's just…she's very pretty." She put a hand on her stomach. "And I'm very pregnant."

"And beautiful," he said, wrapping his arms around her back, "and radiant, and beaming and I love you…" He kissed her forehead. "I missed you…." He kissed her lips…"How early do you think we can get away with going to bed tonight?"

She laughed. "We're going to have to come up with a workable position."

He slid his hand over her stomach. "We'll find one. Is she kicking?"

"Sometimes. Not a lot. You'll probably feel her sometime this weekend." She draped her arms around his neck. "I've been horny as hell lately," she confessed. The birthday surprise was not Tami's only reason for driving to Austin.

This separation wasn't _bad_ for their marriage, she mused. It was _good_ for their marriage. This way, every time they came together, she wanted sex, and wanted it badly. He felt desired, and he wasn't pawing her for sex when she _didn't_ want it. It was a win-win situation.

"I guess absence _does_ make the heart grow fonder." He backed her against the counter, trailing kisses down her neck to her chest before dipping his tongue below her low-cut shirt into her cleavage.

She gripped his hair and moaned lightly. "I think we should send Julie to the grocery store for milk," she breathed.

He jerked his head up from her breasts. "Jules!" he shouted.

When Julie had the directions to the nearest store, and the front door was shut, Tami asked, "How long is that going to take her?"

"On foot? Twenty minutes maybe."

"That's not long enough!"

He tugged her toward the bedroom and shut the door. "We'll be quick." He unbuckled his belt and yanked it from the loops.

She glanced at the bed. "That looks like it hasn't been slept in."

"I slept at the office last night."

"What?"

"We had a late meeting, then game tape, then morning meetings. Seemed a waste to come all the way home just to crash for four hours. We've all got our sleeping spots marked out. I'm told once football season starts, half the coaches will be sleeping there three nights a week."

"Do the graduate assistants sleep there too?"

"Sometimes. Not Savannah." He laughed. "I don't think I've ever seen you this jealous before."

"I'm _not_ jealous!" She glanced down at her protruding stomach. "I _am_ a blimp though. I look like a beached whale."

"You look gorgeous."

"You're lying."

He took her hand and pressed it against the front of his shorts and nipped at her ear lobe. "See what you do to me?" he asked. "Just by being as beautiful as you are?" He walked her back toward the bed.

She looked at it and looked at him and looked at her belly. "I think we're going to have to get creative here."

"Just tell me what to do and I'll do it, Tami. I'll do anything you ask."

"I like the sound of that."

**[*]**

When Julie got back, she had to kill more time in the living room before her parents came out of the bedroom claiming to have been taking a "short nap." Did Mom really need to make her miss two days of lifeguarding for this?

They had birthday cake and then went out for an early dinner. Dad took them to the TMU stadium and then for a tour of the campus. "Maybe you'll want to go here someday," he told Julie.

"Not likely," she said from the backseat of the car as she stared with boredom out the window. She felt like an unwanted appendage. Her parents had talked to each other about the pregnancy and baby stuff for half of dinner. At the apartment, she was just in the way of their bump and grind.

"Don't be snotty about it," he said. "They have a good dance department."

"I think I'm going to quit dance."

"What?" Mom asked, in that annoying, half-scolding, 'how can you consider something I haven't pre-approved' way of hers. "Why?"

"When you think about it," Julie replied, "the real question is - why not?" It wasn't as if she was going to end up on Broadway. She didn't want to teach dance. There was no point in pursuing it now that she was already sixteen. It was just a thing she had done, because every kid was supposed to do something. But she was getting tired of doing what she was supposed to do just because she was supposed to do it.

"It's good exercise," Dad insisted. "What's are you gong to do that's physical, if you don't do that?"

"What I think your dad is saying, Julie," came her mother's correction, "is that we want you to pursue the extracurriculars that are going to make you happy. If that's not dance, that's fine, but you need to find something you enjoy doing. I can help you if you want."

Julie rolled her eyes. "I don't need help doing what I enjoy doing," she said. "But thanks."

[*]

They watched some TV as a family, but Tami started yawning and feigning tiredness around 8:30 and excused herself to bed. Eric followed just ten minutes later. They made love much more slowly this time. Afterwards, he lay on his side, his hand on her naked belly, waiting to feel the baby move. He finally got to – one slow roll.

"She's not much of a kicker," he said. "Julie was kicker. You think she's a'ight?"

"The last ultrasound was perfect, Eric. She's fine. She just won't be the star athlete Julie is." She laughed at Eric's frown. She kissed him until he was smiling again. "We need to agree on a name," she said.

He smirked. "You don't want to name her after my mom? In honor of the dead?"

"No old lady names. And what about _my_ mom?"

"Don't tell me Dolly isn't an old lady's name."

"Well, not Dolly. But her middle name is Sarah."

"Eh. I knew a girl name Sarah in sixth grade. She used to annoy me near to death." His hand left her belly and cupped a breast and caressed it lazily.

Tami swatted his hand away. "This is talking time."

"I'm talking," he said, returning his hand to her breast and running a thumb over the nipple. "I'm listening."

She swatted his hand away again. "What names are on your list?" she asked.

He sighed and rolled on his back. "I don't have a list, but I think…you know, this little girl is our miracle baby. She was an act of grace, a late-in-game gift. I think her name should reflect that somehow."

"An act of grace," murmured Tami, settling her head on his chest. "Grace."

He stroked her hair. "Grace. I like it."

Tami lifted her head, chin on his chest, to look at him. "If you want to honor your Mom, we can use her maiden name as the middle name."

"Grace Belle?"

"Well…Gracie Belle. That sounds cute, doesn't it?"

"Yeah. I like that." He smiled. She'd missed his smile, that tight-lipped, half-suppressed grin. "We're pretty good at this naming thing. We should have ten more."

She laughed and lowered her head again. His cell phone buzzed, and he fumbled for it on the night stand. Tami looked at the caller ID as he dismissed the call. Savannah Tanner. He put the phone back on the night stand.

"Why would Savannah be calling you so late on a Saturday?"

"It's not that late, Tami. We went to bed early. She's probably calling to let me know when she rescheduled my Sunday meeting for."

"Can't she just e-mail that?"

"She's a phone person. Makes her feel more on top of things. Half the time I don't answer. I just wait for the voice mail." As if on cue, the voice mail chimed.

"You need to listen to that?" Tami asked.

He rolled on his side and kissed her cheek. "Nope. I need to enjoy my time with you."

"How old is she again?"

His breath was warm against her shoulder as he chuckled. He kissed the bare flesh. "This really bothers you doesn't it? Me having a female assistant."

"No. But she shouldn't call you Eric. Why did she call you Eric? She should be calling you Coach Taylor. Eric is a little familiar for an assistant, isn't it?"

He laughed. Then he lifted his head and looked at her earnestly. "You want me to ask for someone else?"

"No. I'm not trying to get the girl fired."

"She wouldn't be fired. She'd be shuffled to someone else. She's damn good at her job. I felt insulted at first when I found out at I had a girl, but it turns out she's probably the best GA in the program."

"You're such a chauvinist, Eric."

"Yep. That's me." He kissed her shoulder again. "A regular cave man." He twirled a few strands of her hair around his fingers. "Dragging my woman off to my layer. Is this the part where I tell you to assume the position?"

She shoved him against his chest and pushed him partly away, but she smiled.

"Seriously, Tami, if it makes you uncomfortable, I'll just ask for someone else. I didn't think you'd care. Frankly, I'm just flattered that you think I'm capable of seducing a woman half my age."

"She's a little over half your age. And you're a good-looking man. You're fully capable of being charming when you want to be. You just don't want to be most of the time."

"It's a lot of work," he said. "It's hard enough charming you."

"And I'm bloated and going on forty-one."

He threw himself on his back and sighed. "Cut that out! You're sexy and experienced and intelligent and beautiful and pregnant with my child."

She turned and put a hand on his hip. "See? Now that's all I wanted to hear." She kissed him. "Keep Savanah. I want you to have the best graduate assistant. You deserve the best. I mean, you've got the best wife, after all."

"That's right, baby. Best wife I've ever had."

She was laughing when he kissed her.

[*]

On the drive home from Austin, Tami prided herself that her plan had worked out just fine. She'd finished out the school year with a flourish and was already prepping for when she would return from maternity leave. Eric seemed to be doing well in his job, and the sex when they did get together was fantastic – better than it had been in years. Julie was holding a steady job and dating the trusty Saracen while harmlessly flirting with the Swede.

All was well. She'd made a good call to insist Eric take this job while she and Julie stayed in Dillon. She'd been right, as usual.

But then the baby was born.


	8. Chapter 8

Things didn't deteriorate right away when the baby was born. It was still summer, so Tami didn't yet have to worry about her files being juggled and possibly mismanaged by her substitute counselor. (She'd met the guy they'd picked to fill in for her - Glen, a science teacher - and she already didn't trust him not to buckle under the pressure.) Eric was briefly on paternity leave. He kept the house clean, brought her coffee in the morning (half calf, because she was breastfeeding), made sure Julie did the laundry, and changed Gracie's diapers at night after Tami fed her. Tami had to poke him awake to do it, but he did it.

They'd lie lazily in bed together in the mornings, the just-waking baby between them, smiling tiredly at each other and admiring their tiny creation. Eric loved to touch each of Gracie's fingers, counting them as if the number might change.

He was doing that one morning while Tami was dozing in and out sleep. His cell phone woke her when it rang loudly on the nightstand beside her. "Can you get that for me?" he asked. "I left it on your side."

She saw the caller ID and answered with a "Hello, Savannah. How are you?"

"Good morning, Mrs. Taylor. Is Eric available?"

"_Coach Taylor_ is busy at the moment. May I take a message?"

Eric plucked the phone from Tami's hand. "Hey, Savannah." Pause. "Oh. Well, of course. Yeah. Two days is fine. Can't you just get another coach to okay your leave?" Pause. "Okay I'll send an e-mail. Congratulations." Pause. "Thanks. Yep. Will do. Bye." He clicked the phone off and lay it on his night stand. "You'll be happy to know Savannah's getting married next month," he told Tami. He shook one of Gracie's tiny hands and said, "You're mommy's a little jealous. Yes she is. Yeeees she issss!"

"I most certainly am not," Tami insisted as Eric kissed Gracie's hand. "And you're only giving that poor girl two days off for her _wedding_?"

"That's all she asked for. And, hey, she chose to get married during football season. I don't know who in their right mind would do that. They're gonna wait to honeymoon in January." He lightly touched Gracie's nearly bald head. "My God she's beautiful, isn't she?"

"Of course she is."

"Thank you for our daughter, Tami. For both of our daughters."

[*]

Tami struggled to juggle the laundry and the diapers and the breast feeding and the cleaning. Sometimes she felt as if she was treading water in a whirl pool. She was barely getting any sleep, Julie had started giving her lip, and Eric was in and out of Dillon - mostly out.

She wasn't ever supposed to feel like this– overwhelmed, hanging by a thread, desperately needing her husband, but afraid to ask him to quit his job and find a way home – _any_ way home. She couldn't do that, because she'd been the one to _ask_ him to leave. That would be like saying she was too weak to handle it on her own. That would be like saying she was wrong.

And Tami was always right.

Even when she was breaking down.

**[*]**

Julie wasn't quite conscious of how it all happened, following that cute lifeguard to that bar, allowing herself to be humiliated. She couldn't call her mother, not the way her mother had been lately – irritable and snapping at her, tired and cranky, crying at the drop of a hat.

So she called her father, and she waited for his wrath to reign down. At least, though, if he was mad at her, it would mean he noticed her, that he still had some role to play in her life, even if it was only the role of the angry wind.

But when he yelled at her in the car outside the bar, she felt like a little girl who had disappointed her prince, and she couldn't help but cry. "I know I'm grounded and everything but can you please just not yell at me right now!"

"Can I tell you something? I have to leave tomorrow night."

She looked away from him. He couldn't even be here to _punish_ her.

"I'm not going to be back for maybe a few weeks, so you being my daughter, I'd sort of like to know what the hell is going on!"

What was going on? Julie wished she understood. Everything had started falling apart after Dad left, and she'd helped it to fall apart. She couldn't hold it together.

She told him why she had come to this bar, what she had been chasing.

"What's going on with you and Matt?" her father asked. "What's wrong with that?"

"There's nothing wrong. That's the point, okay!" She admitted to her father what had only been a half-conscious thought before. "We're the _it_ couple. But I see him turning into you, and me turning into my mom."

Julie didn't think how offensive that might sound to her father until it was already out of her mouth. He could have defended himself, her mother, or their relationship. He could have been angry at her implication that they weren't people worth becoming. But he just remained silent while she continued, "And that just terrifies the crap out of me. I'm sixteen, and there has to be more than this." She wasn't supposed to think like this. She wasn't supposed to feel this way. She was supposed to make it work with Matt and not feel trapped. She was _supposed_ to be the perfect girlfriend and the perfect daughter. "And I feel so guilty for feeling like this!"

She wasn't used to having these kinds of personal talks with her father. That was supposed to be Mom's role, but Mom was busy, Mom was irritable, Mom was in her own world with the baby.

He put a hand affectionately on her head. "Listen to me. You can leave Matt, and no one is going to love you any less. You realize that don't you?"

She _hadn't_ realized that. Julie had thought, since she hadn't moved to Austin because of Matt, that her father would be angry with her for feeling like this. But he wasn't angry. He had his hand on her head, and he looked hurt. Not hurt _by_ her, but hurt _with_ her. Maybe, even though he had a new baby, she was still Daddy's little girl in some small way.

"And the other guy," her dad said, "he sounds to me, you know, like he's some other guy. He's just some other guy. To hell with him." He looked her in the eyes. "Hey," he said tenderly, "You're a'ight. It's gonna be a'ight."

And for the moment, she believed him.


	9. Chapter 9

When Tami called Eric from the hospital with Gracie in her arms, he offered to drop everything and come up, but she told him no. It was just a little scare. Gracie was fine. The fever had come down. She couldn't ask him to miss work like that, not during football season. His role was too important, and his boss would judge him for it. "You stay right where you are," she insisted.

"Tami," Eric said. "Baby, you don't sound good."

She _had_ to handle this on her own. She'd promised him she could, that the separation wouldn't be a problem. "I'm fine! I swear!" she insisted. "It's just a little trip to the emergency room. You know how many times Julie got dragged here."

"Once. And you were a wreck. Promise me if you need me there, you'll tell me."

"All right, hon, I love you. I promise. I love you so much. Bye." She thought she got the phone clicked off before she started crying. She hoped so.

Glen was there to pick her up. She hadn't known who else to call. Her husband wasn't home, and she couldn't drive herself like this, but that was okay. Glen was helping. Except, he wasn't helping when he asked, "This whole living apart from your husband thing? What was the point of that exactly?"

Her mouth opened and closed slightly. She tried to remind herself why she was right about that, why it was a good idea, why she had both refused to follow Eric _and_ turned down his offer to say. But at the moment, she couldn't remember why. "I don't know. That was just my idea. It was just a stupid idea."

And her father-in-law was right. The world didn't end when she admitted it.

Then again, she'd only admitted it to _Glen_. It wasn't as if she'd said it to Eric.

[*]

It just kept getting worse.

The clothes piled up. Tami felt like crying every time the baby cried. How could she feel like this? She'd prayed for that child for years, and it had come suddenly, like a postponed miracle, years after she'd stopped praying.

She loved her Gracie Belle, but sometimes, she just wanted Gracie Belle to go away, and she hated herself for wanting it.

Things got worse with Julie too. Julie didn't even tell her that she broke up with Matt. Didn't even think to talk to her own mother about that. Tami had to hear it over the phone from her husband, and then have it confirmed by Glen.

**[*]**

Eric sat on the couch of his Austin apartment, feet up on the coffee table, watching game tape. How had he come to be here, between the dull white walls of this bachelor's apartment, alone on this couch, miles from his wife and newborn daughter? His teenage daughter, who'd been such a daddy's girl at one time, was drifting away from him.

He sighed and put a hand behind his head. Tami understood what those kids back in Dillon hadn't – she understood how big his dream of coaching college football was, how hard he'd worked for it. But what she didn't understand was how hollow that dream felt without her.

He clicked off the TV and picked up the phone. He'd just talked to Tami an hour ago, he knew, but… "Hey, hey," he said to her.

"I can't talk right now, hon, Gracie is crying."

"Wait..wait…I thought of something." She was so irritable on the phone lately. Sometimes it sounded like she was suppressing tears. The house had been a mess the last time he'd come home. Gracie's crying grew closer. "Why don't you ask my dad to drive up from El Paso and stay a week? Help with the baby. He'd love to do that. He told me he can't _wait_ to see Gracie. Julie e-mailed him some photos, but he wants to come up and see her. My dad was great with Julie when she was a baby, remember?"

"Your father is sixty, Eric. He cannot just hop in the car and drive hundreds of miles to Dillon to help me with the baby. That is just ridiculous."

"He's in great shape for his age, babe. And he's retired. He's not doing anything down there. He can come!" Eric couldn't make out her response over Gracie's wailing. "What's that?"

"I'm not asking your father to help with the baby. He'll think something's wrong if I'm resorting to that."

"He wants to see her, Tami."

She sighed.

"_I_ can call him," Eric suggested. "_I_ can ask."

"I am _not_ a bad mother, Eric! I do _not_ need your sixty-year-old father to help me take care of my child!"

"Okay, okay, sorry, babe…it was just a…suggestion."

"He can come up and see her when she's a little bit older. A little bit….he can come up for the christening if he wants, okay? If it's not too _Protestant_ a christening for him."

"Okay."

She hung up the phone with a muttered goodbye. He leaned back his head against the couch and closed his eyes.

[*]

Tami had just settled Gracie down for her morning nap in the bassinet when the kitchen phone rang. She lunged for it. She usually turned off the ringer when Gracie was napping. She was really looking forward to ten minutes alone with her morning coffee, which she had just put in the microwave, because it had grown cold.

"Hello, Tami," came her father-in-law's deep voice. This was an unusual call. Eric's father did speak to him on the phone briefly every few weeks, but he had Eric's cell phone number and knew Eric was in Austin. Why would he be calling the house?

"Uh...hello, James. Why are you calling me?"

"I can't call my daughter-in-law just to say hello?"

"You can." She opened the microwave and took out her coffee. "You don't." Eric damn well better not have called him and asked him to drive up from El Paso to help with Gracie.

"How remiss of me."

She chuckled. "Why are you really calling?"

"I need Julie's social security number."

"Why? What for?"

"I'm buying her some college savings bonds."

"We can pay for Julie's college education ourselves. Your son is making well over six figures at his new job."

"Yes, well, I made well over six figures at my old job, too. For ten years. With no wife, no children, and no mortgage. Also, I just went back to work part-time. On a consulting basis."

Tami had predicted her father-in-law's retirement wouldn't last, that he was in too good health, and too much of a determined worker, to just ease into retirement without going crazy. She'd told Eric he would be back to work within a year. As usual, she was right.

"And I need to do something with all this money," he concluded.

"Well, buy a nice car."

"I have a nice car."

"You've got a ten-year-old Buick."

"It's nice. What's Julie's social?"

Tami sighed. Julie could always use the bonds toward graduate school, she supposed. She gave him the number. She had it memorized, along with her own social and Eric's.

"How are you, Tami? How is Julie? How's the baby?"

"Fine. Good. We're all fine."

"Really?" He paused. "Because…I caught Julie on Facebook last night, and we chatted a little, and she didn't sound…_fine_."

"Facebook? What are you talking about?"

"It's a social media site. Surely you're familiar with it, as a high school counselor?"

"You mean Myspace, James. Julie has a Myspace account." Tami knew, because she had one too. She had to keep pace with these teenagers and on top of all the communication tools if she was going to help them.

"No. Facebook is something different. Myspace is on its way out, Tami. Trust me. The teenagers are going to start using Facebook in the future. Until the next thing comes along, anyway."

"How can you know this and I not know this?"

"Well, it started with the universities, so I dealt with it when I was still at El Paso. But they more recently opened it up to everyone over the age of 13. You don't have an account?"

"Well I'm _about_ to have an account."

"Anyway, Julie indicated that things might possibly be stressful at the moment."

"Well of course they're stressful! I have a new baby."

"Well, if you need anything, Tami, you just let me know. I'm only a four-and-a-half hour drive away, and I set my own work hours."

"Did Eric put you up to this?"

"Put me up to what?"

Tami shook her head. "Well I appreciate the offer, but everything is under control here."

"You and I know all about _control_, don't we?"

"Lord, James. Don't give me another one of your Adult Child of Alcoholics speeches. I've read all of the literature, and most of it doesn't fit me."

"But some of it does?"

"I've got to go drink my coffee before this baby wakes up."

She had three sips before the crying started.


	10. Chapter 10

Eric met Buddy halfway between Austin and Dillon. Buddy told him McGregor was "evil." That was Buddy for you, seeing the world in sweeping patterns of black and white, always certain his own hat was white.

"Are you sure you're not just pissed off he kicked you off the field?" Eric asked him.

"I hate his guts, but that's not the reason," Buddy said.

"Well, just out of curiosity, what is the reason that I am here right now?"

"What if I told you that I can make him go away and you could have your job back?"

Eric couldn't just put a man out of work and take back his old job partway through the football season. You didn't walk into a team mid-season. He had a _contract_ with TMU. "I'd say it's crazy."

"I've seen Tami, and I've seen Julie. Tami's trying to be so brave and strong without her husband here."

Eric's jaw clenched. He didn't like his family being used as a tool in Buddy's booster machinations. But he also didn't like that Buddy realized what he was trying to deny to himself – that his family was falling apart, and it was his responsibility – as a man – to hold it together.

"I see Julie walking around in things she shouldn't be wearing," Buddy said, "and hanging out with kids she shouldn't be hanging out with."

Eric's jaw grew tighter now. Buddy was one to talk, when his own girl had been with Riggins. He was one to talk, but…it worried Eric, the way Julie had followed that useless Swede to that bar. When he was living at home, she'd had good sense in boys. She'd chosen a decent kid, one of the most decent kids he knew.

"And you know that little baby Gracie misses her daddy. You know it. First year of her life she never sees her daddy. Your family needs you." Buddy asked him, "If you could go back in time, and make the TMU job go away, and be the coach of the Panthers again, would you do it?"

Of course he would.

But he didn't have a time machine.

[*]

Julie refused to answer Tami's phone call. Her own mother's phone calls. She came home late with the Swede and made out with him right there on the side of the road, right in front of the house, as if she had no regard for her home life at all.

Tami had to drag her out of the car, to remind her she was still the mother.

And then Julie told her to go to hell.

To go to _hell_.

Tami slapped her hand right across Julie's face, hard. She stunned herself with the force of it. And Julie stood there, her young hand against her own reddened cheek, and told her, "You got rid of me when you had Gracie and Dad left."

[*]

Tami lay in bed that night, thinking about what she'd done.

Her father used to slap her like that when she said something disrespectful, when she was around eight, that last year before her mother kicked him out. Tami had promised herself she would never do that to her own children. She was going to be a calm, collected mother who never let her anger get the better of her. She was going to have conversations with her children. Deep, meaningful conversations, and her children would _listen_ to her, because she _cared_.

She had to pull it together. She _would_ pull it together, because she wasn't her drunk of a father, or even her sometimes distant, sometimes judgmental mother.

She was Tami Taylor. And she _had_ to do this right. But she was no longer sure she could do it alone, and it was too late…too late to ask Eric to come home.

[*]

Eric was home in Dillon the next day. He went to the Panther's game. Coach McGregor pulled it off in the end by organizing the offense around Smash and using Saracen as a decoy. Matt picked a fight with Smash because of it and walked away from him spitting.

Eric watched it all with a mixture of shock and guilt. When and how had Matt become _that_ kid? And _would_ he have, if Eric had stayed in Dillon?

"Did you hear what happened at the game tonight?" he asked Tami that night as he sat beside her on the couch and took her into his arms.

"I hit Julie last night. Right across the face. I slapped her."

Her admission should have shocked him, but it didn't. It was as if some part of him had seen this coming - had expected it to come - had _let_ it come. He felt an odd sense of displacement. He was here, and he was with his wife, but she wasn't his wife, not really, and he wasn't himself, not really.

Tami started crying. "I feel like I'm completely losing it. I don't know what's happening to our family."

He pulled her closer. "It's a'ight. It's a'ight," he murmured, holding her as tightly as he could. He didn't know what else to say.

She pulled away. "It's _not_ all right." She sat forward with her hands between her knees and took a deep, steadying breath. "This isn't easy for me to say."

He waited silently.

She finally spoke. "I was wrong. I was wrong not to accept your offer to stay in Dillon. I need you."

He closed his eyes. "I need you, too, babe," he whispered.

"I was wrong, and I'm so sorry. I don't know how you're going to do it, but I want you to come home. I _need_ you to come home. _Please_ come home."

She started crying again, and he pulled her into his lap. She buried her face against his neck.

"I love you, Tami. I love you, and I'm going to find a way home. I'm going to be a husband to you, and a father to Gracie and Julie. I'm going to do whatever it takes to pull this family back together."

Through the tears, he could just make our her whispered, "_Thank you._"

When Tami was asleep, Eric went to see Buddy at the dealership, where the man was sleeping at his desk. He had to wrap on the window to wake him up.

"Are we going to rock and roll?" Buddy asked as he let him in.

Eric extended his hand. "I sure as hell hope I don't regret this." As they walked in to begin the scheming, Eric asked for a drink. He needed one. A scotch flavored drink.

**[*]**

Buddy called Eric at half time during the TMU game and said, "The eagle has landed." It took Eric a while to figure out what the hell Buddy meant.

Eric finished out the game, declined his fellow coach's invitation to celebrate, went back to his bachelor's pad, and started packing.

"The eagle has landed," he muttered as he folded his clothes and slapped them into his suitcase.

He'd have to take an enormous pay cut leaving TMU, but he'd been spending quite a bit just to live in Austin, and it looked as if Julie's grandfather was going to help put her through college, whether Eric wanted him to or not.

Eric didn't know where this old road would take him in the future, but he knew who would be walking beside him: the woman who had walked beside him ever since he was a broken teenage boy. It didn't much matter where the road led, he supposed, if he could just be with his family.

Eric had thought it would be nice working with adults for a change, but these college kids, they were big babies, most of them, only they were no longer young enough that he could _truly _influence them in terms of character. He still wanted to be a college coach one day, for the sake of the game, for the sake of the prestige, to prove to himself – and maybe to his father – that he could succeed. But right now, maybe he was meant to be at the high school level. Maybe that's where he was needed as a coach. Maybe that's where he could make a difference that went beyond the game.

He went to TMU's stadium one last time and stood gazing at the stark green, the goal posts rising heavenward. He'd once thought he'd wanted this job like a thirsty man wants water. But he knew now what it was like to _truly_ miss something.

He wasn't going to miss this.

**THE END**

**A/N: **Please comment!


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